John: All right, there, you happy? Ted: No, the circuits could still be reconstructed if somebody worked at it. We gotta smash your laptop with a hammer. John: What, what do you mean? We'll just delete the files. Just stop lookin' at that shit, please! Ted: Johnny, I mean it, all right? The next chick you meet, you are gettin' back in the game. This is a wake-up call, all right? You gotta get back out there, and meet somebody, because you are spiraling outta control here. WHAT THE FUCK?! John: Holy shit, dude! What's the matter?! What happened?! What's going on?! Ted: There's so much porn! John: Well, what the hell are you doin' lookin' at my private shit?! Ted: What are you talking about, "private shit"?! Johnny, it was wide open! There are literally thousands of files here! John: Well, I've been meanin' to clear some of that out! Ted: Jesus Chri-! Look at the organization here! "Clockwise Rim Job"? " Counter-clockwise Rim Job"? John: Yeah, well, sometimes you like seein' the tongue go the other way! Ted: You sick bastard! Look at this! "Chicks With Dicks"?! John: Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I have a disease, all right?! I need help! Ted: There are no chicks with dicks, Johnny! Only guys with tits! John: Well, this is such a relief! You know, I'm so glad I'm finally caught! I wanted to be caught! Ted: Johnny, now you listen to me. Hey, can I use your laptop? John: Yeah, go ahead. I can never get a signal in your apartment. Customer: Hey, I won't forget what you've done for me here today. Customer: And, uh, I won't be followed? Ted: Uh, no, that's not in our budget here. Customer: Okay, I'm gonna bring these back to my apartment. Customer: You do understand that I myself am not a child? Ted: Uh, I was able to sniff that out, yeah. Customer: So if I purchase these Trix, there'll be no trouble? Ted: No, no, you-you should be fine. And is that enforced by law? Ted: Uh, not to my knowledge, no. Is that correct? Ted: Well, I mean they say, uh, "Trix are for kids," in the commercials, so- Customer: Uh-huh, uh-huh. I've been led to understand that Trix are exclusively for children. A box of Trix? Customer: Yes, that's right. Customer: I'd, uh, like to ask a few questions about this breakfast cereal. I'm naming the store after you.Ĭustomer: Hey. Then I put it back on the shelf and a senior citizen bought it. Ted: I banged her with a pack of Freedent Gum. Sittin' out here in a public, jerkin' off? Where do you think you are, Red Lobster?ĭialogue Frank: You had sexual intercourse on a pile of raw hamburger meat that we're supposed to sell to the public for their Fourth of July barbecues.
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